So I’m very, very confused and would like a 3rd party insight into what the he’ll is going on. Of course, I can’t open up to anyone in my real life so here I am. Me and the guy in question, Sam, are both married. We have known each other since the age of 14, and we have both been married to our other halves for 16 years. We lost contact over the initial beginning years of the marriages but reconnected around 10 years ago.
we became closer and closer, and 2 years ago we had sex. It wasn’t planned, and just happened in the moment. It wasn’t the best sex I have ever experienced and I didn’t regret it atall, but understood it was wrong and we agreed it wasn’t to happen again. With that year it happened a further 2 times, and I turned down in person another 3 times. All the times we have had sex hasn’t been planned and was more a case of opportunity.
after this I guess I wanted more, I wanted to see him for sex, I wanted to spend longer with him ect ect, and I think this scared him and he backed off. He officially ended us as a sexual thing, telling me can’t have sex with me again, that it’s wrong, I am not his gf & he can’t risk his family. I then blurted out that I loved him, and he said he didn’t feel the same. He said he has feelings, and will always care for me, that I will always be his friend, but he loves him family. He said he enjoyed what we had but it was to be over now.
I have never felt heart break like it, it hurt to the core and I would see for the first time why people end life when going through breakups. I cried everyday for 3 months, I lost a stone in weight from a lack of appetite and I believe I plummeted into depression. Following this conversation I respected his decision and left him alone. We didn’t speak barely for the first 6 months, although he would message on occasions such as my birthday ect. Then as 6 months passed and I started feeling better he returned, saying he did love me, and misses me, that I can’t be replaced, but there is people stopping us from doing what we want to do, and so if friends is all we can be he’ll take it. I still was upset and hurting and declined many invitations to meet up with mutual friends, and if he did message I was brief but civil. Valentine’s Day was a year to the day we last had sex, and although I’ve felt good lately vday was hard. I missed him deeply and wondered if he would reach out (we still wasn’t on good terms). Anyway he did, and a week later we were back to being close friends and met up for a drink. Then the following week he asked to take me out, (we have never done anything like this before so it was special) he booked a theatre and we had an exspensive meal afterwards, he bought me a very costly painting upon leaving, and it was nice to finally catch up. Upon leaving I asked if we could go for a drive, something we would usually do and end up having sex. To which he replied he didn’t think it was a good idea, and it’s better we wake up feeling no regrets. The regret hurt a little but I understood and went home, when I got home he texted me that he enjoyed the evening and sent lots of kisses and heart emoji’s, and asked if we wanted to do the same next week.
im just so confused, what are we? He said didn’t love me but then doesn’t let me go, I’m not sure whether to be appreciative that he likes to spend time with me with 0 sex or upset he doesn’t like me in that way. He also posts me on his social media every chance we are together, and there has been rumours in our town for years of us having an affair. Our spouses aren’t local and his wife doesn’t have social media so he has no fear of posting me. I just feel like does he bring me along as an ego thing? I’m not the best in the world but I would say I’m well kept and attractive and a lot of his friends have tried with me over the years.
what are peoples honest thoughts? What am I to him, and what is he to me?
